A letter to Liz on October 17, 2007

and I quote myself:

Don't you know that I always have something to say? Always! I'm a blabber-mouth and I will only end when this page runs out, when I have finger cramps, or when a catastrophic meteorite extinguishes my existence. So there you have the pathetic blabbering of an unidentified and Lonely Soul. I like to capitalize Lonely Soul to make it more powerful, more of a vague identity, who perchance I am. Dorothy Parker said it best in her sarcastic and bitter attitude towards men when she wrote that, well, pretty much, they should burn in hell. I don't want to go quite that far, but I understand her frustrations because an unwanted human is the saddest thing you will ever find. Mind you, I don't feel like that so don't prepare to get excited...I am not going to cry. Boys don't merit a tear from mine eyes, my precious and selfish eyes- they don't spare tears for useless pity.




My wish for you is that you fill these pages with the gut of your pain and happiness with excessive exaggerations and bittersweet contradicting words. Because life is contradictory and why should we pretend that it is otherwise. Your beautiful heart needs to weep to your hands which will in turn pour out onto these pages- these organically printed pages that await your conscious awakening. Oh, that was beautiful. So now I think that I am some sort of a writer or something. Well, I am not. I am just a body like any other that has learned the art of phrasing and categorizing words so that they juxtapose and sound all smart and shit. Ha, it is fun to write that. Shit. I feel like it is stealing the 5 cent candy from Fast Break- you should not do it but it is only 5 cents and it tastes so good melting in your mouth! So worth it and so forbidden. Speaking of forbidden- I think that I in general, am bad for my health- so says the Surgeon General. I think I simply need a rising hill that echoes and I will climb that hill, take off my shoes, climb the tree that is strategically perched up there , and then with my hair down and my arms outstretched embracing the wind I will Yalp, yalp for all of the damned feelings, for all of the confusion, and the "lostness" we all feel, some more than others. For all of it. Then I will climb back down, sigh deeply and consciously, put on my shoes, and continue through this life, wide awake. Yep, that is precisely what I will do.
Ze END